Excited!

Can’t believe it’s only just over a month to go until our first clinic appointment for our frozen embryo transfer. I’m definitely getting so excited now. I’m nervous too, mainly when the odd thoughts creep in along the lines of “what if it doesn’t work?” etc but I’m trying to think as positively as I can. I did this with our IVF cycle for Noah and I truly believe that my positive attitude had a bearing on the outcome. I just keep picturing that this time next year we could have a tiny newborn addition to our household! A crazy but amazing thought.

With all this in mind I’m slowly trying to get more prepared mentally and physically. I’m not on a diet (even though I’m overweight) as, honestly, diets don’t really work for me. I stick to them for a while but then end up binging and self loathing so I’m determined not to go down that route. Instead I’m aiming to eat more fruit and vegetables, drink more water and generally eat a bit healthier. As well as taking my prenatal vitamins. I’ve also been preparing in other ways by making a list of things we will need for the new baby and trying to think through how we will organise the flat to accommodate them. We are still currently in a 2 bed flat with no immediate plans to move but we are pretty confident we can make things work. We really didn’t want to delay treatment further as we feel beyond ready to give Noah a sibling so we figured we will find a way to make it all work. It’ll be worth it.

Aside from all this planning I’m also just enjoying any time with Noah I get. He is learning new things so rapidly it blows me away. His speech is coming along so well now. It makes me laugh so much when he randomly says to me “Mummy be careful!” or “You’re welcome!” when I’m cleaning him up after dinner!

He’s also moved away a little from his obsession with Frozen and he’s now ALL about Zog. He watches the recording of it that we saved from Christmas Day, then demands we read him the book a gazillion times. I even purchased the follow up book Zog and the Flying Doctors just so we could add a little variety!

He has also well and truly mastered stacking his bricks and can now do a tower of around 7 bricks with his small fiddly bricks. And he had great fun colouring with felt tips for the first time! We’ve also been taking him for trips to a local football field and he loves to practise his dribbling skills!

Above all I’m just loving seeing his little personality develop further. He’s really showing such a caring side now. He pretends his bunny is a baby pushing him around in the shopping trolley toy which he pretends is a buggy. It’s so adorable to watch. Of course he has his moments with tantrums as is to be expected but he truly is a delightful little boy (though we may be a tinsy bit biased!).

Reading back and am amused by how this post started by being about our excitement for our FET and turned into updates on Noah but I’ve been so lax on posting lately that it seemed fitting to combine the two! Aiming to post more and more in the future esp as treatment approaches so watch this space!

If you’re on Instagram then check us out at @justimperfectlyme where I regularly update on our goings on!

A much needed Birthday & Christmas update!

Hope you all had lovely Christmases & New Years, sorry I’ve been a bit absent on here of late! I definitely owe you all a big update so get comfy!

Noah’s birthday was on Christmas Eve and I’m still a bit in denial that our baby boy turned 2. I think I was even more emotional on this birthday than I was for his first! The night before I’d laid out our living room with his presents and a load of balloons as he loves the things. Well when he first got up he beelined for the balloons and didn’t care about the presents! I joked to Jamie that we should’ve just wrapped up a box of balloons and had done with it!

For lunch, when his presents were finally opened, we headed out for a McDonalds treat. And he loved it!

In the afternoon his Grannie popped over to wish him a happy birthday (sadly Grandad was ill in bed) and we enjoyed some cake and fizz (the fizz being for the grown ups!). Noah loved his Frozen themed cake (made by Jamie’s lovely and very talented colleague Mishka) and he loved eating it even more!

That evening he was shattered from all the fun and excitement and after we got him all tucked up in bed in his Christmas pjs it didn’t take him that long to fall asleep!

All ready for Santa to appear that night!

Unfortunately, come Christmas Day, Noah seemed a bit overwhelmed and didn’t really want to open anymore presents. He still doesn’t really understand the whole concept of birthdays and Christmas yet so I think it was all a little too much excitement. But he did open a few presents and get into the Christmas spirit with some dancing to some Christmas tunes over breakfast! (his favourite banana pancakes!)

For the rest of the day we headed to Jamie’s parents and had a lovely Christmas lunch and Noah enjoyed being spoiled by Grannie & Grandad.

All before he was mince pied out!

So, all in all, it was a pretty quiet family Christmas this year, just what we needed. Boxing Day we returned to Jamie’s parents and Noah inadvertently ended up sleeping over, and we spent the rest of the break relaxing as a family and mentally preparing for the onset of 2019!

Happy New Year everybody and I hope 2019 is happy year for you all.

love

The Martins

xoxo

Noah’s Nearly 2!

I can’t believe that tomorrow our little boy will be 2 years old. It honestly only feels like a few months ago he was born! I think I feel just as emotional about this birthday as I did about his 1st. I think it’s the fact that, this year, he seems to have transitioned from baby to little boy and my heart can’t cope!

Looking back it’s been a big year for Noah! He learnt to walk at 13 months and quickly progressed from those first few stumbles to tearing around like the little hurricane he is. His speech is coming along nicely and, despite being told he was a little behind, he’s starting to form more sentences and his speech is getting clearer each day! His little personality has developed all the more and we love how he is such a loving, caring boy but is also so cheeky all in one. Even when he’s causing mischief we can’t help but fall for that cheeky grin!

He’s also learning to socialise more and has developed some little friendships at nursery which is so adorable to see. One girl in particular seems especially taken with him and it melts my heart when I see her run up to him saying “Noah?” with her hand outstretched, asking him to come and play. Normally he trots off after her with the biggest grin on his face! It honestly makes me so happy to see him making friends already and it is something that I hope continues easily for him as it has never been an easy journey for me. I struggled through most of my school years trying to fit in, getting mentally bullied and making friends just felt like a massive mountain to climb. So my biggest hope for him is that he doesn’t have to go through that. If he does, however, he will have our support through it. But for now it’s nice to watch him relish in the joy of these new friendships.

As well as feeling emotional, I am so excited for his birthday. Unfortunately it already seems to easily get overlooked as it’s so close to Christmas but we will always ensure he gets made a big fuss of as birthdays should be! This morning I picked up his balloons ready to go and later we are collecting his cake (Frozen themed! Because we can’t do his birthday without his favourite Elsa making an appearance!). I can’t wait to see his face tomorrow.

These are the moments I live for as a Mum.

Have I Failed My Child?

Is a question I’m sure, as Mums (or Dads), we’ve all asked ourselves at some point. This has hit me particularly hard lately.

A few weeks ago we had Noah’s Parents Evening. I know it sounds bizarre right? A Parents Evening for a not even 2 year old? But actually they are pretty useful. The Nursery have them to update the parents on their child’s progress and we get to look through Noah’s “book” which shows said progress as well as some lovely photographs of what he gets up to at Nursery.

At this particular Parents Evening all was going pretty well, they said his motor skills are really good, his social skills have improved, the only thing they said that he is behind in is his speech. To be honest I wasn’t really surprised by this. I’d noticed that he didn’t seem as far along in his speech as other toddlers his age but it didn’t really bother me till I saw it there in his book in black and white. At this point he was 22 months old but, according to them, his speech level was more around that of a 16-18 month old. Not a huge difference but when you’re told your child is behind in something, it feels a big deal.

And I felt instant guilt. The first thought to enter my head was “is it my fault?”. Have we not talked to him enough? Have we let him watch too much TV? Have we not read to him enough? Is there some way I have held him back? Deep down, however, I know that we have tried our best to help him along. We talk to him all the time. I try my best to ask him questions as we do things, talk through what we’re doing etc. Admittedly at times I forget but heck I’m only human. I read to him every night but maybe I should be reading more with him in the day too? He does watch a fair bit of TV I confess. Normally Cbeebies or Disney movies. But often it’s background noise as he plays. There will be some shows he pays attention to but I’d argue he’s learnt some bits off them too! I caught him mimicking signs from Something Special the other day! We’ve also been doing flash cards with him which he loves. I got a “first words” pack from Dorling Kindersley and I love them because they show actual photos of the objects rather than just cartoons. He recognises most of them now and can say a number of them really clearly. But others he is struggling with. You can tell he knows what it is but he can’t quite form the word.

He can say a fair few words now. “Hi” “Hayo” (Hello) “Bye” “Yes” “No” “Mummy” “Daddy” “Milk” “Peas” (Please) “Ta” “Potty” “Beebies” “Elsa” “Dancing” “Ball” “More” “Bubbles” etc are all words he can say without too much bother. I’m sure there are quite a few more than that but those are the first that spring to mind. However he doesn’t really form sentences yet and some simple words like “Cat” and “Dog” he struggles with. I am noticing some progress though. Like the other day he said “Get Down” when he wanted to come down from his chair which took me aback as I hadn’t really heard him put together two words much before. So I definitely think he’s moving forwards, it’s just taking him a little longer than some children.

But then he was always way stronger with motor skills than communication, even as a baby. He crawled from 6 months, could feed himself with a spoon before he was even a year old and, for the last year, has been very confidently feeding himself. Nursery even tell me that lately he’s been practising threading raw spaghetti into small holes which I think is pretty cool for a child not even quite 2 yet.

I’m not quite sure what the point of this post is. Maybe to reassure myself that he’s doing ok, that I’m not letting him down, who knows? I think a lot of my feelings stem from my battle with depression. There were definite points at my worst where I felt like I could have done more in my parenting. Don’t get me wrong, Noah was well looked after, cared for and happy but there were moments when I felt I lacked the energy to really give it my all in terms of teaching him and playing with him. It doesn’t help that he’s always loved to amuse himself and can be fiercely independent in wanting to do things alone, even at this young age. But I have felt so guilty about it. And wondered if I had not been so absorbed in my mental health, would he be behind now?

But I could spend forever and a day beating myself up over it. The truth is, none of us are perfect. We all have days where we think “I could have done better today”. But there were also many many days where I gave and do give it my all. I’d take him to the park, do painting, invent games etc and do as much as I could to stimulate him and help him learn. Do some off days make me a bad Mum? No they don’t. They make me human.

So my answer to my original question is, No. I don’t think I have failed my child. If he does turn out to have a speech delay then it’s most likely one of those things and he will catch up eventually. And in other areas he is doing very well indeed. So it balances out. And perhaps it’s unfair on him and me to keep comparing him to others anyway. He’s developing and learning at his own pace and it’s all amazing. In fact it’s my favourite thing about this age, watching them learn new things and grow and develop.

So let’s take the pressure off, stop worrying that we’re not doing enough and just enjoy our children whilst they’re still young.

Agreed?

A Day in the Life of a Toddler

Ever have those moments when you watch your toddler babbling away and you wonder what they’re really thinking or what they want to say? Well the fact that I went ahead and wrote this may be evidence that I wonder too much!

06:00 – Mummy and Daddy have had enough sleep now. It was hard work keeping them up in the night kicking the walls but I can’t sleep now. After all without me how would they know when to get up?

06:10 – Throwing a tantrum now because I’m too tired. A little whinge wont suffice here. I need to throw myself down to the ground kicking and screaming because…..well, you know, just because.

06:30 – They just changed my nappy so that must mean they want me fill this one up. Wee, poo, it doesn’t matter. Can’t let this nappy go to waste!

07:00 – Mummy is trying to instigate less screen time. I know what she’s up to. Time to shout “Cbeebeebeebies!!” over and over till she relents and puts on Postman Pat. Then she always pours some hot stuff into a cup to drink it right after. Not sure why.

07:10 – After a few minutes of watching Postman Pat have issues with the simple delivery of a parcel yet again (seriously I’m 1 nearly 2 and even I could do better?) I’m bored. This floor looks too tidy. Time to tip some toys all over it. Might even put some in Mummy and Daddy’s bedroom for good measure. They love it when I surprise them with my toys in their bed!

08:00 – Breakfast time! My favourite meal of the day! Time for my- wait where’s my cheerios? Toast! What trickery is this? I like toast but for breakfast I always have cheerios. Mummy knows this so why change a good thing now? Nope this wont do. Tantrum time again…..

But this toast is yummy. She’s let me have some jam as a special treat. Ok maybe I forgive her. Yoghurt time! And why confine it to the pot! Yoghurt makes excellent finger paint. And Mummy loves it when I do my finger painting with my yoghurt. She gets all excited! Though she gets her words mixed up and keeps saying “No” rather than “Yes”. Silly Mummy. She’s been doing that a lot lately.

8:30 – Right that’s breakfast done and it’s nappy filling time again! Mummy’s been trying to get me to use that weird pot thing to go to toilet in lately. Think it’s called a “Potty”. But that’s not happening. I mean she wants me to do my business in a plastic tub? I’m not an animal. I’m quite happy hiding here behind the sofa and pooping into my nappy. Much more civilised.

9:00– Mummy says we need to go to Asda. We need some more milk and bread but for some reason she never just buys that. She buys chocolate, crisps, clothes for me….Maybe there’s a minimum spend limit? I don’t understand. Mummy wont let me bring my bunny with me because she says I’ll drop it like last time. I promise I wont Mummy! She lets me bring bunny, yay!

9:30– I drop bunny in Asda.

Mummy is not impressed. We hunt high and low. I miss bunny. Time to tantrum again. Maybe he’ll hear me and come back.

9:35– Ah there he is! See! He heard me scream and came running to make me feel better. I love you bunny. I wont ever drop you ever again.

9:40- I drop bunny in Asda again.

10:00 – We’re walking home from Asda. I have no idea why that took so long. Mummy is so slow at shopping. Ooooh look a dog. Oh no! It’s getting away. Walk faster Mummy!! “Goggy! Goggy! Goggy!”. The man with the dogs is getting away. Maybe if I shout louder he’ll hear me “GOGGYYYYYY!!!!”.

10:00 – Now we’re home and Mummy’s trying to get me to have my morning nap. Ha! Yeah good luck with that Mummy. I’m too tired to tantrum though so I’ll just whinge and bit and sit here with my bunny and my book and read….for……a…..b-

zzzzZZZZZZZZ………..

12:00– Wait what?! Damn she tricked me into napping again. She’s crafty that Mummy. Quick nappy change and they’re doing that song on Cbeebies that reminds Mummy it’s time for…..

12:15 – LUNCH! Scrambled eggs and toast? Get in! My favourite! What Mummy? You want me to use my spoon, not my hands? But that just slows me down! And I need to eat this yummy scrummy egg as fast as I can. Mmmmm I love egg.

13:30 – Lunch is over, fresh nappy, time for PLAY! It’s sunny today so Mummy has said we can go to the park. I’m so excited! Buggy, buggy, buggy, buggy, PARK!!

13:45 – At the park, got my ball to kick but – ooooooh mud! Maybe if I dig in the mud I’ll find buried treasure. Or even better…..chocolate! Must keep digging! Oh no hear comes Mummy! Nooooo I don’t want to be wiped! I want to diiiiiiiig! Tantrum time.

14:15 – Quick pit stop at the café. Mummy’s brought my bottle of water and some raisins which are yummy but – oooh what’s she eating? That looks yummy and cakey and chocolatey…..I must have some! Maybe if I say please and thank you enough she’ll give me some! Peas? Peas? Ta? Peas? PEAS!! TA!!!

15:00 – Home from the park now. Time for my daily request to watch Frozen. If I charge over to the remote, grab it and shout “Elsa!!” Mummy will get the message. Not sure why she’s groaning. She loves Elsa really. Who doesn’t? Elsa! Elsa! Oooh here’s my favourite song. Love is an open DOOOOOOR…. I have a beautiful singing voice.

16:30 – Mummy’s trying to cook dinner now. She must want my help! Maybe she’ll need these little pots in here. I’ll get them all out for her…. Oh no, she looks cross. Put them back! Put them back! Oh no, why doesn’t throwing them at the cupboard work?!! Hey! Mummy! Put me down! I don’t want to sit and play with my bricks I wanted to heeeeeelp!!! Tantrum time.

17.00 – DINNER!!! Ooooh Sausages! And mash! And- wait. What’s what green stuff? Bleurgh. Mummy’s trying to poison me! I’ll tell Daddy. Daddy! Daddy! He’s at work still? Noooo Daddy! You must saaaaaaave me!

18:00 – I survived dinner. Phew. I managed to throw most of the green stuff on the floor when Mummy wasn’t looking. I think I got away with it. Oooh I hear the door! Maybe it’s Elsa come to rescue me! Oh no it’s just Daddy. Wait- it’s Daaaaaddy!!!! Oh Daddy you’re my favouritest person ever! Mummy’s looked after me all day but you’re simply the bestest ever!!

18:30 – Mummy calls me to do my teeth. Ugh why do we have to do this AGAIN. I only just did them this morning. I’ll just chew the brush. That’s enough. What? You want to brush them? Noooooo! Nooooo! I don’t want clean teeth! I was saving that food for later!!

Mummy runs my bath and WOW look at all those bubbles! Where do they come from? She lifts me into the bath and oooooh I can see a person in the tap! They look like me! Mummy tells me I have to sit down now. Ugh she wants to wash my hair.

Now she’s all done washing me and I can SPLASH!! Splash! Splash! Splash! This room will be my own personal indoor pool oh yes. Splash! Oh no Mummy’s lifting me out now. But Mummy I wasn’t done! I want my poooool!!

18:45 – Mummy & Daddy are dressing me for bed. I keep hiding under the towel and silly Mummy & Daddy keep thinking I’ve disappeared! I’m right here you sillies! So so funny! Oooh these pyjamas feel all nice and cosy and I know what’s coming next…..

19:00 – Bottle!!! Ah warm milky goodness. Makes me feel *yawn* sleepy but I WILL NOT GIVE IN. Mummy’s reading me a story and I love how she does the silly voices. Oh and it’s the zoo one now! I wish the zoo would send me an elephant.

19:15 – Story time’s over now and Mummy tucks me in and tells me I must sleep. But nope. I think now is time to explore my drawers. Oooh nappies! And lotion! And all these clothes! Yup they need to go on my bed. I need it all. Oops here comes Daddy. He looks cross. He’s tucked me back up. I will not give in, I will – not – *yawn* – give -…….. zzzzZZZZZ

01:15 – What was that noise? Wind? A creak? It must be morning!!! Mummy! Mummy! Daddy! Oh Mummy looks tired! It’s not morning? Oh. Sorry. My mistake. But I can’t sleep now. I’m WIDE awake. Cuddle me! CUDDLE ME!! Ahhh that’s better….zzzzZZZZZ

If Toddlers Ruled the World

Sometimes, when I’m bored, I get thinking random thoughts. Today it’s “what would happen if toddlers were in charge?”. So I compiled this list quite literally thinking as a toddler would:

1) Cups of tea would be out and milk would be in. Why do adults drink that yucky brown stuff for? Milk is way yummier and perfect for calming people. Works on me when I’m having a bad day anyway…

2) No more baths! Or at least not the boring shampooing and cleaning part of the bath. Don’t be coming at me with that flannel…. I just want to splash!!!

3) Veggies would be illegal. No seriously present me with that broccoli and I’m presenting you with some handcuffs…

4) No limited screen time. CBeebies, Disney Jr, Frozen, Moana….I want it all and I want it NOW!

5) The word no would be banned. Why do grown ups keep saying no? No you can’t watch more TV, no we can’t go to the park at night, no you can’t play with that plug socket. Just a bunch of kill joys. So from now on everything is YES. Live a little….

6) Toys would be free and plentiful for all. This is a no brainer. If everyone had an endless supply of toys then they would be happy forever! Maybe growed ups wouldn’t be so grumpy if they had Beat Bo to dance with!

7) Chocolate would be an essential part of our daily diet. With veggies now banned we need another substance to take over instead. Chocolate is the ultimate health food. Who needs studies to confirm that when it tastes so yummy. And it gives me so much energy…..

8) Tidiness and Cleanliness would become obselete. Nothing worse than when you’re having lots of fun and some killjoy, a.k.a “Mum”, comes along and ruins it for you by tidying up. Nope toys should just be left everywhere. Saves precious time wasted getting them back out again the following day! And if my dinner leftovers aren’t cleaned off the floor then that could provide me with a handy snack when required! No need to ask!

9) Bedtimes would also be illegal. No explanation necessary for this one. Bedtimes kill fun. Period.

10) Bouncing on the bed would be an Olympic sport. Boing! Boing! Boing! See this is way more fun than the boring runners going round and round and round. And best of all….the gold medals are made of chocolate!

These are a few things that I think might change if toddlers were in charge. Can you think of any more?