You know you’re a Mum when…

1) Your clothes stay clean for all of 5 minutes.

In my case I get up early to make sure I’m nicely ready for work, all smart and professional looking….only to arrive at work and discover that the child managed to catch me with a good old toothpaste/bogey smear….

2) You feel like a hostage negotiator.

Except rather than dealing with a terrorist you’re negotiating with a tantruming toddler. “No you can’t lick the toilet.” “Ok if I give you a packet of raisins will you stop screaming at me?”.

3) It feels like a novelty when you get to pee alone.

And you don’t blink an eyelid at doing a number 2 with a pair of wide eyes looking right up at you. Well this is nice….

4) Sleep is no longer a necessity but a luxury

Whenever we have a child free day literally all I feel like doing is sleeping. In fact a full day of sleeping would be my idea of heaven. Hint hint for Mother’s Day Jamie….

5) You’re more up to date with the latest CBeebies songs than the current Top 10 in the charts….

Whether it’s about colours or setting your happy free, you regularly boogie on down with your toddler of a morning. And don’t get me started on theme tunes (Go, go, go, go, go jetters!). Oh and the stick song!!

To be continued…..at some point

(Feel free to comment with your own suggestions!)

Jäger Bombs & Snotty Noses

So this week has been a pretty quiet one, mainly because poor Noah has been poorly with a nasty virus. Tuesday we ventured out to town on a shopping trip in an effort to get me out. My anxiety levels have been pretty intense lately and being stuck at home just makes it worse but a bit of retail therapy always helps!

I had every intention of doing a bit of shopping and getting the bits on my list and then taking Noah to a sing and rhyme session at the local library. However, he was in a foul mood, resisting napping and I decided that I wouldn’t subject the other Mums and children to my grumpy, snotty toddler. So I decided to annoy fellow shoppers instead. Later in the day we headed home with 3 pairs of new shoes, my first ever hoodie purchase in years (I know, shocking!) and some other bits and pieces. My favourite purchase I think is my Faith slip on trainers in a sparkly rose gold shade. I love wearing them already and just looking down and seeing my feet sparkle cheers me up. I’m just a human magpie really, it’s all about the sparkle.

Wednesday was unfortunately a working day and that night Noah was at his worst with his virus, poor thing. He just kept coughing all night so neither of us got much sleep; hence why Thursday turned into a lazy day. We just chilled out, watched Frozen (for the gazillionth time), did some colouring and generally relaxed. Until, after his nap and lunch, I noticed he was increasingly chesty and wheezy. My brain went into hypochondriac mode thinking “is he struggling to breathe?” “do we need to see a doctor?” and, in the end, I decided that safe was better than sorry. After a phone call with the 100 year old receptionist (I swear that’s not much of an exaggeration), an appointment with a lovely sympathetic doctor who tried to reassure me that I’m not crazy and neurotic, it was deduced that Noah just had a particularly nasty virus and I just needed to keep an eye on his breathing. He’s on the mend slowly but still sounds pretty phlegmy and crackly. The wheeze keeps coming and going, making me nervous, but hopefully the virus will b*gger off soon.

Yesterday he seemed well enough to go to his Grannie and Grandad’s as planned and Jamie and I headed out to a wedding reception. We had a ball of a time with wine, vodka and too many jager bombs till, with a sudden realisation as I made a quick dash to the ladies, I realised that drinking probably doesn’t combine all that well with my anti-depressants. Never the less I had great fun being taught how to floss by the kids/teenagers (I wasn’t the best pupil) and making a tit of myself trying to do the macarena. All in all a really good evening. Oh and yes, the bride looked beautiful of course.

Today I’m not TOO hungover, more just knackered which doesn’t mix well with an energetic toddler. Currently he’s napping as I write this and Jamie is watching the formula one, the sound of which is drilling into my brain. Only 8 laps of this fresh hell remaining….Once Noah’s done napping we’ll probably take him down to the playground to be big kids and attempt to wear him out. Great fun!

My Inner Struggle

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been struggling lately. My close friends and family know that I’ve had a battle with depression and anxiety on and off since I was a teen but, before now, I hadn’t had a major relapse since 2011.

To be honest I didn’t even recognise myself that I was slipping backwards again until, one day, I thought “nope this isn’t right”. I was having intrusive thoughts, was being increasingly snappy with my husband and I just felt disconnected from my life. I think it started a few months after Noah was born but I can’t pin point it exactly, it just came on so gradually.

So I went to my doctors and admitted that I was struggling which, not going to lie, I found incredibly hard to do. I had been afraid of admitting my depression since having Noah in case I’d get labelled as a bad Mum. I recently had a phone call from a counsellor at Health in Mind after doing a self-referral and, as soon as he asked “are you managing to care for your son ok?”, I could feel myself bristle. I know deep down that I have nothing to worry about, that Noah is well cared for, loved and a very happy little boy but it still terrifies me.

Anyway, I’m now back on antidepressants (Sertraline to be precise) and am slowly feeling an improvement. The depression isn’t completely gone, neither is the anxiety, but they’re manageable. I’m no longer so snappy and irritable and, in my husband’s eyes, I’m probably more bearable to live with!

It’s going to be a long road and probably something I’ll have to battle on and off for the rest of my life. I wanted to talk about it openly though because, even if only one person reads this and knows that they’re not alone and they don’t need to feel ashamed, then I’ve done some good. It’s time we broke the stigma regarding mental health and people felt able to talk. Because maybe if more people felt able to talk then more lives could be saved. Who knows? But it can’t hurt to try.

Welcome!

Hello and welcome to my blog! Just thought I’d write a quick introductory post so won’t keep you long!

Basically my inspiration for this blog is to give you a snapshot into my life. I’m far from the perfect Mum; I make mistakes and I live in chaos but also joy. I am real.

My name is Catherine and I’m originally from Cardiff, Wales but now live in East Sussex with my husband Jamie and our 20 month old Noah. Jamie and I were married in 2015 and conceived our son via IVF in 2016. Noah came chaotically into our lives Christmas Eve 2016 and we haven’t looked back since! We have plans to return for more IVF in the future but, in the meantime we are focussed on enjoying our little family and the fun it brings.

So that about sums us up! So please feel free to follow me on my rollercoaster journey, hope you enjoy!

The 3 of us